we *heart* mary

I've said it before: gammer and I are huge mary fans. i was born that way and I suspect gammer has been a fan since october 3, 1957. luckily for us, she's rather keen on us as well. today gammer and I discussed luring mary to the house every day. i thought that might be a bit much so I suggested we simply move to mary and marty's house. gammer loved that idea! I think we should put a little cabin in the backyard. I found a picture of a cabin kit that I think would work nicely. ;)

gammer learns to live long and prosper

this is what happens when gammer watches the big bang theory with me. :)

the big long day of adventure

our latest effort to go on an adventure was recently carried out, but in a much different form than originally planned. gammer has been talking about wanting to go to proctor, the small, pretty town in vermont where she was born and lived for a number of years. it is also where her parents are buried, along with one set of grandparents. as proctor is a bit of a drive, the original plan was to go and spend the night somewhere in vermont, allowing for a nice, relaxing trip. however, the day we were to go i gave her the option of coming back home in the same day and she chose that option. it was a loooooooong day and I ended it with a giant headache but we had fun. the ride to proctor is super pretty and proctor itself is very charming and I saw several houses i'd gladly purchase if I were a gazillionaire and could live in a different house every day. it was neat to listen to gammer talk about who lived in what house and we even went past her old house (three times) and according to her it looks very much the same. the cemetery was nice, but hilly enough to prevent us from wandering far from the car. gammer was pleased to see the family graves and I liked it too although I was surprisingly creeped out. we then moved on to weston, home of the vermont country store, where we shopped, tried on hats and sampled cheese. gammer found a lovely handknit sweater and wore it in the store. i was rather afraid they would think she was an elderly thief like uncle leo on seinfeld, so i made her wear the tags on the outside. we ate grilled hot dogs while driving home and gammer declared that eating in the car beats eating indoors. that's my kind of girl. :)

a moment of clarity

living with someone who is elderly, your life changes in a lot of ways and the way you look at life and time is very different. i used to see time and the future in terms of work: what my schedule was, when i should wake up, what I should do on my day off, etc. when i first moved here i still worked full-time and I did for a while. eventually, it was too hard on gammer and it made her upset and sad for me to leave her every day. so now i'm home all the time and days of the week and dates, unless they are important, are pretty much meaningless. wednesday is garbage day. sunday used to be church day, until gammer stopped going. right now, tuesdays are quiz days. I went shopping at target yesterday or the day before and they had halloween and christmas stuff. for a moment, my brain said, "wow, they haven't gotten rid of the halloween costumes yet" and then I realized we haven't even had it yet. this is what happens when you live with someone who doesn't even know what month it is or where their family is. it's really pretty sad and I also realized that getting old and losing your memory is like being a vampire. i know that sounds crazy, but it actually makes a lot of sense, so hear me out. it was dracula in particular that made me think about this, as i'm taking a class on vampires in literature. vampires have lost their souls and, immortal, will never know peace. they aren't themselves anymore, they're a twisted and corrupted version of themselves. dracula was once a man, just like anyone else. gammer used to be a different gammer. the gammer who raised bruce, brad, mary and robert isn't the same now. a lot of things are still there, but old age, like a vampire, has taken away parts of who she is and to me, that is profoundly sad, because it can't ever come back. someday she will be gone and i don't know that I want to remember this gammer. i want to remember the gammer of my childhood and I think I will, or at least I hope I will. but life isn't that easy or simple. there are no rules or guides for getting old and living life. I have to remember, even on the worst days, that gammer didn't choose this, it just happened, and she deserves not crankiness but love and patience.