oh happy day

gammer turned 89 years young yesterday. in lieu of me babbling, here are a few great gammer photos. :)

clothing optional?

apparently part of being older and having dementia is that you don't just forget things, but you become oblivious to them. case in point: lately gammer has occasionally neglected to put on a shirt. now i know that sounds really bad, but wait. usually this is under a jumper or a buttoned cardigan, so it's not like she's going around naked. if you point out the missing garment, she just shrugs. today, i tried getting her to put a shirt on under her cardigan, particularly when she was cold and put on a jacket. she was pretty dismissive of the idea so i let it go. now, it's a very nice day out and she is currently sunning herself on the front steps, in full view of anyone who might walk by and neighbors. thus you might try to imagine my terror when i happened to walk past and saw her unbuttoning her sweater. i realize she would not be naked, but really I don't need my 88 year-old grandmother to be on full view to the neighborhood wearing a plaid skirt and a bra. where i come from, which is this house actually, you just don't do that. I got her into a tshirt. you can rest easy if you happen to drive by. :)

an afternoon adventure

gammer pushing her walker/wheelchair. this is the greatest invention ever. she can walk easily when she likes and when she feels tired i can push her in it. when she's in it she's at a level much closer to kids in strollers and that makes her super happy. plus she can just watch people without having to focus on staying upright.





the attack of the phantom fork. gammer got so interested in both her lunch and mine that she finally forgot one of them was mine. she offered me some of my own steak, which i thought was very kind of her. :)





our ride home coincided with a gorgeous, amazing sunset. we did a lot of ooohing and ahhhing in the car.

a perfect day...so far

some days are bad, some days are great. today is a great day. gammer has spent the afternoon on the sofa reading and napping. i went for a ride and now I'm reading as well. everyone is happy and comfy and the cats, emma and I are eating cheese. oh happiness. :)

you can't win 'em all

try as I might, things in gammerland don't always go according to plan.

gammer's dementia can cause her mood to change quickly. case in point: it's a wet, cold, snowy day and gammer set up camp for the day at the dining room table. i put on a golden girls dvd thinking that would entertain both of us and it worked, for a little while. the first episode made her laugh. after the second one she started complaining about it being on, wanting to know why it was on, etc. so much for that! but hey, it happens. it's part of why it's difficult to go places with her, because one minute she's having a good time and the next minute she wants to go home. the good thing is that the mood can change again quickly. later on she'll probably talk about how much she enjoyed the show!

the other problem i run into is her forgetfulness and how i get the blame. on monday we went for a lovely ride to st albans, vermont with mary and had a fantastic lunch at One Federal. google it, pronto. on tuesday, gammer was briefly cross with me for not taking her for a ride the day before. it's a sad situation, because gammer doesn't like being old and it makes her sad. i can't really get cranky with her (well, i do, but i hide it from her) because it's not her fault that she forgets. aging is a weird, sad, mean part of life. fortunately, the good outweighs the bad and in the grand scheme of things gammer has had a great, wonderful, fun-filled life. :)

p.s. while I was writing this, gammer appeared to ask me where aurora is. i think she thinks i'm my mom. :)

a lifetime of movies

gammer, a lifelong movie nut, doesn't really go to the movies much anymore. she also doesn't really remember the movies she does see, like "the help". so watching the oscars with her is an experience both amusing and a little irritating. you tend to miss a lot of what is going on because she frequently asks, "who is that?" but she says it with such a disgusted look on her face that you can't help but laugh.

fun fact #1: gammer was six years old when the very first academy awards were presented.

fun fact #2: "It Happened One Night" was so popular when it was released that it was shown in the gymnasium of gammer's junior high school. it was something she happily remembered for a long time.

fun fact #3: I have had two steady movie dates in my lifetime: my mom and gammer. we are a movie family. :)

fabulous at any age

for your viewing pleasure, a recent photo of gammer, decked out in all her leopard-print finery. the coat and hat were both christmas gifts from yours truly. gammer used to frequently say, when watching old movies, that she always wanted a leopard coat. et voila!

the new world

over the last few months, i've had a few people repeatedly say, "you have to update your blog!" and yes, i agree, but we all know i'm an exceptionally lazy blogger! i'm a lazy vacuumer too, but that's another story entirely. people also say, "I love reading about gammer" and gammer seriously has a lot of fans out there and that is pretty awesome. it makes me happy.

I think probably the reason why I haven't posted in so long is that, aside from being lazy, there hasn't been a lot to say or at least anything really interesting! gammer has, unfortunately, gotten worse over the last few months, particularly in the last month or two. she's still pretty happy, but she gets tired a lot more easily and her confusion is worse, to the point that she doesn't always remember that this is our house. she often asks to go home, mostly in the evening when she is tired or if something has her upset. she gets a bit moodier every now and then, which I believe is related to her dementia. all that sounds kind of dire and honestly just typing it depresses me, so on to the good stuff! despite everything, gammer is still 99% happy and content (she doesn't like being old), loves the dog and the cats and the bird and the fish (phew!), loves watching the big bang theory, has a great appetite and is pretty much indestructible. she had a fall while out walking the dog and after scaring just about the entire block she was totally fine and forgot all about it. she has even been talking about taking a trip for her birthday, which may not happen, but i like that she was thinking about it. the last few times we've talked about going away for even one night she has ultimately changed her mind. so the fact that she said, "I want to go on a trip" is kind of neat. of course, she also says things like, "I think I'd enjoy a cruise" so i don't get too carried away with my daydreams or make any plans. :)

as for me, i am as well as can be expected from someone who has to vacuum even though they don't like to. ;) i do just about all of the housework and whatnot, but i also study, make things, daydream and cuddle my cats. i am a lucky girl, even if i do have to vacuum. :)

we *heart* mary

I've said it before: gammer and I are huge mary fans. i was born that way and I suspect gammer has been a fan since october 3, 1957. luckily for us, she's rather keen on us as well. today gammer and I discussed luring mary to the house every day. i thought that might be a bit much so I suggested we simply move to mary and marty's house. gammer loved that idea! I think we should put a little cabin in the backyard. I found a picture of a cabin kit that I think would work nicely. ;)

gammer learns to live long and prosper

this is what happens when gammer watches the big bang theory with me. :)

the big long day of adventure

our latest effort to go on an adventure was recently carried out, but in a much different form than originally planned. gammer has been talking about wanting to go to proctor, the small, pretty town in vermont where she was born and lived for a number of years. it is also where her parents are buried, along with one set of grandparents. as proctor is a bit of a drive, the original plan was to go and spend the night somewhere in vermont, allowing for a nice, relaxing trip. however, the day we were to go i gave her the option of coming back home in the same day and she chose that option. it was a loooooooong day and I ended it with a giant headache but we had fun. the ride to proctor is super pretty and proctor itself is very charming and I saw several houses i'd gladly purchase if I were a gazillionaire and could live in a different house every day. it was neat to listen to gammer talk about who lived in what house and we even went past her old house (three times) and according to her it looks very much the same. the cemetery was nice, but hilly enough to prevent us from wandering far from the car. gammer was pleased to see the family graves and I liked it too although I was surprisingly creeped out. we then moved on to weston, home of the vermont country store, where we shopped, tried on hats and sampled cheese. gammer found a lovely handknit sweater and wore it in the store. i was rather afraid they would think she was an elderly thief like uncle leo on seinfeld, so i made her wear the tags on the outside. we ate grilled hot dogs while driving home and gammer declared that eating in the car beats eating indoors. that's my kind of girl. :)

a moment of clarity

living with someone who is elderly, your life changes in a lot of ways and the way you look at life and time is very different. i used to see time and the future in terms of work: what my schedule was, when i should wake up, what I should do on my day off, etc. when i first moved here i still worked full-time and I did for a while. eventually, it was too hard on gammer and it made her upset and sad for me to leave her every day. so now i'm home all the time and days of the week and dates, unless they are important, are pretty much meaningless. wednesday is garbage day. sunday used to be church day, until gammer stopped going. right now, tuesdays are quiz days. I went shopping at target yesterday or the day before and they had halloween and christmas stuff. for a moment, my brain said, "wow, they haven't gotten rid of the halloween costumes yet" and then I realized we haven't even had it yet. this is what happens when you live with someone who doesn't even know what month it is or where their family is. it's really pretty sad and I also realized that getting old and losing your memory is like being a vampire. i know that sounds crazy, but it actually makes a lot of sense, so hear me out. it was dracula in particular that made me think about this, as i'm taking a class on vampires in literature. vampires have lost their souls and, immortal, will never know peace. they aren't themselves anymore, they're a twisted and corrupted version of themselves. dracula was once a man, just like anyone else. gammer used to be a different gammer. the gammer who raised bruce, brad, mary and robert isn't the same now. a lot of things are still there, but old age, like a vampire, has taken away parts of who she is and to me, that is profoundly sad, because it can't ever come back. someday she will be gone and i don't know that I want to remember this gammer. i want to remember the gammer of my childhood and I think I will, or at least I hope I will. but life isn't that easy or simple. there are no rules or guides for getting old and living life. I have to remember, even on the worst days, that gammer didn't choose this, it just happened, and she deserves not crankiness but love and patience.

unexpected sweethearts

gammer LOVES the kittens and she talks about how surprising that is almost as much as she talks about how much she loves them. a few days ago mr blandings unexpectedly jumped up onto the sofa and snuggled up to gammer. she was soooo incredibly delighted and it was so sweet to watch her pet him and she fell asleep with a smile on her face. the kittens sleep with me every night but i don't think either of them had ever done so with gammer. she was massively happy and it absolutely made my day. :)

the mother of invention

it's been a wild, wacky food day, in a wonderfully bizarre sort of way. for lunch, gammer made herself a sandwich: peanut butter and applesauce. yeah, you heard me, i said applesauce. i was a little surprised by that one, so much so that I had to peek at it when she told me what she'd made. she seemed not at all concerned that this might be an odd combo and what the heck, it's not like it was bad for her, so I didn't say anything. living with an older person, you learn to pick your battles. i'm not always good at this, but I'm getting better I think. anyway, she ate the whole thing so I guess it was good!

we went out for dinner after a nice ride to chazy lake. i had buffalo chicken nachos ("are those blueberries?") and gammer had a burger. she confiscated my salsa and sour cream, putting the salsa on her french fries and focaccia and she put the sour cream on her hamburger. she ate anything within reach, to be honest, and we had a lively discussion on how to make tortilla chips. I made up half of it, but it sounded logical so we were satisfied. I like making things up. :)

holy new post, batman!

for a while, I was posting regularly, filling the world of the internet with happy gammer tales. and now it seems I haven't posted in over a week! oops, sorry. it's not that things aren't interesting here, or that we aren't having fun, but I seem to be distracted. one possible explanation: I'm taking classes. jeremy says that when I take classes i'm not nearly as much of a pest as I usually am, so that logic may extend to blogging. sorry!

we have been having lots of fun around here lately. today we went out to lunch with mary and marty, where gammer, queen of the phantom fork, sampled everyone's lunch, despite claiming a lack of hunger so profound she only ordered a cup of soup. she ate mary's spaghetti, one and a half pieces of my pizza (double cheese and ham), and marty's pepperoni and meatballs. and she was ready for dinner just a few hours later! no wonder mom calls her the bottomless pit. :)

one of the really great, wonderful, blissful things about living here is that I grew up in this house. I fell down the stairs here, fell out of chairs, scraped my knees, mothered my dolls, and ran into the Booth's car with my bicycle. so in other words, I love this house and I have great, loving memories of growing up in it. even that time I threw up on the rug in gammer's room. she wasn't even mad. :) I never liked sleeping alone when I was little, so I usually slept in my mom's bed. when she worked nights, for a while I slept in gammer's bed. every now and then, I can't resist sneaking into her room when she's sleeping to give her a hug. she sleeps with the blankets pulled up over her head, so you have to sort of pat her shoulder and then this loooong skinny arm reaches out and grabs you around the neck in a sort of headlock. it's very sweet and cute one of my favorite things in the world.

a very deceptive photo

this photo makes it look like we had a nice, quiet candlelit dinner. boy, would that be wrong! gammer requested a ride, as she often does, so I planned the ride to end at a restaurant overlooking valcour island (I try to vary our rides so it doesn't get boring). it was a beautiful day and the view of the island and a number of sailboats was fantastic. we were treated to a heavenly sunset and a rising moon. gammer even got to watch a cute baby, so she was in heaven. :) the actual food was only okay, and the stupid music was so loud we couldn't hear each other. it transpires that gammer reads lips way better than I do! we still had fun, though, and I like how deceptive this photo is. :)

the dishwashing solution deficiency

i woke up to a panicked gammer today. actually, i think she's just plain not having a great day. ditto for me, at the moment. the first time she woke me up she asked if it was time to get up and I, being completely unaware of the time, told her no, so she went back to bed. when i saw her for the second time, she was in a tizzy regarding the lack of dish washing solution. she's usually pretty good at knowing to put things on the grocery list, but every now and then she isn't. however, usually i'm pretty good at keeping on eye on what we need. this time we both screwed up, hence gammer being in a panic. when gammer panics over not having something, it's like a national crisis that needs to be averted NOW. no, you don't have time to shower. no, you don't have time to feed the cats. no, it can't wait until you go to the grocery store. she doesn't actually say any of those things, but the implication is there behind the desperate pleas for me to drive her "just down the street" to buy more. even when you hem and haw because really, you have eight gazillion other things to do at that moment, her solution is: "if you drive me, I can go into the store." umm, yeah no. it's faster if i just do it, cranky and cursing to infinity, and then it's over and done with.

there are two reasons why I can't really get mad: a) the whole reason i'm here in this house is to help her and b) she's old and she has no idea what she's doing. so those thoughts are in the back of my head as I drive to the nearest drug store, where the clerk laughs and says, "I know what you're doing today!" ha. lady, you don't know the half of it. i think what really bothers me about situations like this is that gammer is too old and confused to understand much beyond her needs and i end up feeling like a servant, that my life isn't mine at all. that can be a very sobering and frustrating feeling. it's true, I am living here to help but I don't think that makes me an indentured servant. most of the time, gammer does not make me feel that way.

as I said early in this post, I think gammer is simply having a bad day. there was a spill on the back porch (don't ask!) but it befuddled her to think of what to do. I see a paper towel crisis in my future, so until the next time, have a lovely day, dear readers. :)

a good team

gammer and I make a good pair. we always have, actually. ever since i was a wee thing, I've loved my gammer and loved spending time with her. when mary went to nursing school, i was home with gammer and we had a lot of good fun. gammer and I would eat lunch and then read books on the brown sofa. we would each choose a book and she would read them to me. as I got older and started to read, I would sometimes read to her. my favorite was "eloise in paris" and gammer was really good at reading that one, with all of eloise's bon mots and run on sentences. many years later, we're still an excellent match. tonight gammer ate her own pot pie (lobster) and a good portion of mine (chicken), mostly the bits I didn't want, like the veggies. mom says she looks guilty in this photo and I agree. :)

a thousand million questions

is this similar to having children? i wonder. a sampling of recent questions from gammer (these seem to be a hit with gammer fans):

"how did you sleep with your orange hair?" (i have golden blondeish highlights. they're not orange, thank you very much!)

"I don't have a dog anymore, do I?"

"do you want me read this to you?" (letter from brad, which i'd already read to her)

"what do you think his muscles feel like?" (tennis)

"are those rubbers on his feet?" (brightly colored shoes on a player. i think she meant something like galoshes)

"are these any good?" (croutons)

"is that today's mail?" (it's a genetic trait that we anxiously await the arrival of the mail)

"how many cats do we have?"

"have you talked to mary today?" (every day)

"how much do those people get paid?" (tennis tournament linesmen)

"do you think his mother is watching?"

"do tennis players do anything else?"

"is it really six o'clock?"

"why didn't you tell me tennis was on?" (repeat twice in five minutes for the full effect)

"do you think she'd eat a grape?" (the dog, with whom she'd already shared her sammich)

"is it thursday? I thought it was sunday"

"are we in september already?" (she once got the calendars so mixed up that she actually threw away the current calendar and put up the next years)

the three faces of gammer

jamming a chunk of cake into her mouth. before i took the photo, she asked me "do you think i can do it?" :)



forlorn upon discovering that mary couldn't stop by on her way to work. :(




totally perplexed by poor alexandr bogomolov, who looks a bit like a girl. and with a happy kitten in her lap. :)