a lifetime of movies

gammer, a lifelong movie nut, doesn't really go to the movies much anymore. she also doesn't really remember the movies she does see, like "the help". so watching the oscars with her is an experience both amusing and a little irritating. you tend to miss a lot of what is going on because she frequently asks, "who is that?" but she says it with such a disgusted look on her face that you can't help but laugh.

fun fact #1: gammer was six years old when the very first academy awards were presented.

fun fact #2: "It Happened One Night" was so popular when it was released that it was shown in the gymnasium of gammer's junior high school. it was something she happily remembered for a long time.

fun fact #3: I have had two steady movie dates in my lifetime: my mom and gammer. we are a movie family. :)

fabulous at any age

for your viewing pleasure, a recent photo of gammer, decked out in all her leopard-print finery. the coat and hat were both christmas gifts from yours truly. gammer used to frequently say, when watching old movies, that she always wanted a leopard coat. et voila!

the new world

over the last few months, i've had a few people repeatedly say, "you have to update your blog!" and yes, i agree, but we all know i'm an exceptionally lazy blogger! i'm a lazy vacuumer too, but that's another story entirely. people also say, "I love reading about gammer" and gammer seriously has a lot of fans out there and that is pretty awesome. it makes me happy.

I think probably the reason why I haven't posted in so long is that, aside from being lazy, there hasn't been a lot to say or at least anything really interesting! gammer has, unfortunately, gotten worse over the last few months, particularly in the last month or two. she's still pretty happy, but she gets tired a lot more easily and her confusion is worse, to the point that she doesn't always remember that this is our house. she often asks to go home, mostly in the evening when she is tired or if something has her upset. she gets a bit moodier every now and then, which I believe is related to her dementia. all that sounds kind of dire and honestly just typing it depresses me, so on to the good stuff! despite everything, gammer is still 99% happy and content (she doesn't like being old), loves the dog and the cats and the bird and the fish (phew!), loves watching the big bang theory, has a great appetite and is pretty much indestructible. she had a fall while out walking the dog and after scaring just about the entire block she was totally fine and forgot all about it. she has even been talking about taking a trip for her birthday, which may not happen, but i like that she was thinking about it. the last few times we've talked about going away for even one night she has ultimately changed her mind. so the fact that she said, "I want to go on a trip" is kind of neat. of course, she also says things like, "I think I'd enjoy a cruise" so i don't get too carried away with my daydreams or make any plans. :)

as for me, i am as well as can be expected from someone who has to vacuum even though they don't like to. ;) i do just about all of the housework and whatnot, but i also study, make things, daydream and cuddle my cats. i am a lucky girl, even if i do have to vacuum. :)

we *heart* mary

I've said it before: gammer and I are huge mary fans. i was born that way and I suspect gammer has been a fan since october 3, 1957. luckily for us, she's rather keen on us as well. today gammer and I discussed luring mary to the house every day. i thought that might be a bit much so I suggested we simply move to mary and marty's house. gammer loved that idea! I think we should put a little cabin in the backyard. I found a picture of a cabin kit that I think would work nicely. ;)

gammer learns to live long and prosper

this is what happens when gammer watches the big bang theory with me. :)

the big long day of adventure

our latest effort to go on an adventure was recently carried out, but in a much different form than originally planned. gammer has been talking about wanting to go to proctor, the small, pretty town in vermont where she was born and lived for a number of years. it is also where her parents are buried, along with one set of grandparents. as proctor is a bit of a drive, the original plan was to go and spend the night somewhere in vermont, allowing for a nice, relaxing trip. however, the day we were to go i gave her the option of coming back home in the same day and she chose that option. it was a loooooooong day and I ended it with a giant headache but we had fun. the ride to proctor is super pretty and proctor itself is very charming and I saw several houses i'd gladly purchase if I were a gazillionaire and could live in a different house every day. it was neat to listen to gammer talk about who lived in what house and we even went past her old house (three times) and according to her it looks very much the same. the cemetery was nice, but hilly enough to prevent us from wandering far from the car. gammer was pleased to see the family graves and I liked it too although I was surprisingly creeped out. we then moved on to weston, home of the vermont country store, where we shopped, tried on hats and sampled cheese. gammer found a lovely handknit sweater and wore it in the store. i was rather afraid they would think she was an elderly thief like uncle leo on seinfeld, so i made her wear the tags on the outside. we ate grilled hot dogs while driving home and gammer declared that eating in the car beats eating indoors. that's my kind of girl. :)

a moment of clarity

living with someone who is elderly, your life changes in a lot of ways and the way you look at life and time is very different. i used to see time and the future in terms of work: what my schedule was, when i should wake up, what I should do on my day off, etc. when i first moved here i still worked full-time and I did for a while. eventually, it was too hard on gammer and it made her upset and sad for me to leave her every day. so now i'm home all the time and days of the week and dates, unless they are important, are pretty much meaningless. wednesday is garbage day. sunday used to be church day, until gammer stopped going. right now, tuesdays are quiz days. I went shopping at target yesterday or the day before and they had halloween and christmas stuff. for a moment, my brain said, "wow, they haven't gotten rid of the halloween costumes yet" and then I realized we haven't even had it yet. this is what happens when you live with someone who doesn't even know what month it is or where their family is. it's really pretty sad and I also realized that getting old and losing your memory is like being a vampire. i know that sounds crazy, but it actually makes a lot of sense, so hear me out. it was dracula in particular that made me think about this, as i'm taking a class on vampires in literature. vampires have lost their souls and, immortal, will never know peace. they aren't themselves anymore, they're a twisted and corrupted version of themselves. dracula was once a man, just like anyone else. gammer used to be a different gammer. the gammer who raised bruce, brad, mary and robert isn't the same now. a lot of things are still there, but old age, like a vampire, has taken away parts of who she is and to me, that is profoundly sad, because it can't ever come back. someday she will be gone and i don't know that I want to remember this gammer. i want to remember the gammer of my childhood and I think I will, or at least I hope I will. but life isn't that easy or simple. there are no rules or guides for getting old and living life. I have to remember, even on the worst days, that gammer didn't choose this, it just happened, and she deserves not crankiness but love and patience.